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Thursday 31 January 2013

Mega Man's List of Pathetic Robot Masters


I've been a fan of the Mega Man series on the Nintendo Entertainment System since I was a wee lad.  The premise of all 10 games in the original series is pretty much the same.  The evil Dr. Wily escaped from prison and built/programmed 8 robots masters to take over the world.  The hero of the series, Mega Man destroys must destroy all the robot masters in order to save the world.  What makes this game unique (at least for the time) was that not only do you absorb the robot master's power when you defeat them, but you could choose the order in which you wanted to challenge them.  This came in handy as the game built on the rock paper scissors scenario.  Each robot master had a weakness for one of the other master's weapons.  For example in the first game, I always started out against Bomb Man as his weapon was effective agains Guts Man, whose weapon was effective agains Cut Man, etc..  The real pros of the game however only use the hand cannon that you start out the game with.  I am not such a pro:(  There really is something special about cannibalizing enemy robots and stealing their powers.

Something has always bugged me however.  There was always one robot master in each game that was just really pathetic.  It made you feel kind of bad knowing that the other robot masters probably made endless fun of this afterthought robot.  Either that or the designers of the game decided to play some sick joke!  I've selected the one robot master from each of the 10 original Mega Man games that really stuck out above the others for how useless they were.  Ironically (I think I'm using that word correctly), the level you played while trying to reach these abominations had the best music?!



Cut Man - Probably the least pathetic on this list.  This robot walks around with a pair of scissors on his head









Bubble Man - This guy wears diving goggles and shoots bubbles at you.  Even the game designers must have felt bad for this guy as his weapon was the only one that worked against the last boss.











Top Man - It would have made more sense if it was a sexual reference, but sadly no; he just spins around really fast











Dust Man - Was counting on the fact that Mega Man might have a serious allergy.










Gyro Man - Originally from Greece but left due to the current economic downfall.  He throws sandwiches at you.











Plant Man - I thought my friend was lying to me when he told me about this one.  Sadly he wasn't.  I suppose he does fit into Robinsby Acres theme of making our planet greener... however even we would put this abomination down.









Junk Man - While I do like the Junkions in the Transformers series, this guy was clearly one of Dr. Wily's afterthoughts.  "Scheisse...  I only have 7 robot masters and a lot of spare parts left over. Vait I know... I have Junk Man."  Wily is German by the way.










Search Man - Kind of stupid as it's the other way around... you have to search for him.  After defeating him, you get equipped with the Olly Olly Oxen Free blaster which fires steaming cow dung at your opponents.











Jewel Man - Capcom was going to make Cash Man a robot master who throws bricks of one hundred dollar bills at his foes... however Russell Oliver had already patented this name.  "Oh YEAH!".  Russell Oliver can frequently be seen in the city of Toronto in wrestling bouts versus Harold The Jewellery Buyer.











Sheep Man - Yes... this is real.  He's pals with Gyro Man.








So there you have it!